i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
