I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
