I think i peed on brittanys purse
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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