My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So apparently I’m into choking now
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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