no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
