I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
