So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
