I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
