Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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