Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
