my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
