Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
