He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
