Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
