he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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