i don't like sucking hair
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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