you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
