this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
