..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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