Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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