You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
