I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's never too late to be topless.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
