I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
