I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
