Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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