I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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