I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
