she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
