This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
