Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
