Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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