I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
