I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
