So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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