I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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