I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
