Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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