i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
