I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
