I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
