i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
