Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I AM VODKA MAN
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
