I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
