so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
