I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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