No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
