Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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