Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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