Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
