would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
