He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
