i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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