We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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