I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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