I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
