Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
