When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
