I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
