Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
