Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
